Getting Through

This has lied dormant for too long... I need a place to vent again.

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I wish depression were a rational beast. I wish I could confront it with facts and evidence, and it would sulk back to whatever lair it crawled out of. But no, it is an irrational creature; it has no use for the truth of things. I can rally against it within my mind, but can just as soon will away a brick wall as will away my depression; the fight simply drains me and leaves me no closer to my goals and in a worse state than when I began. I know the truth of things: I have friends, they’re just far away right now; my family cares for me, we’re simply in too cramped of quarters; that my financial and romantic and career and shelter situations will all sort themselves out in good time, if I’m patient. These rational arguments are of no use when fighting that gaping maw whose only desire is to swallow you whole, suffocate you, drown you in despair and self-doubt. Facts are useless weapons in this battle. The only effective strategy is time – wait the beast out. It will wander off to other prey eventually; leave me at peace while it haunts others for a time. But its ally is also time, for in time it will inevitably seek me out again. This is a disease without a cure, only treatments to delay the beast’s visits, and shorten their duration. It will always come back for me, sooner or later. Believing that it won’t is simply setting myself up for failure, and then it wins all the more. The truth of it, that it will return and haunt me again and again and again, is a useless weapon against the depression itself, but acceptance of that truth is the only way to keep its jaws from truly rending me in half. This, too, will pass if I keep time and patience as my allies in this war.

"Cough Syrup" - Glee cover (Originally done by Young the Giant)

Life's too short to even care at all oh
I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control
These fishes in the sea they're staring at me oh oh
Oh oh oh oh
A wet world aches for a beat of a drum
Oh

If I could find a way to see this straight
I'd run away
To some fortune that I should have found by now
I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down, come down

Uhh ch ch ch ch

Life's too short to even care at all oh
I'm coming up now coming up now out of the blue
These zombies in the park they're looking for my heart
Oh oh oh oh
A dark world aches for a splash of the sun oh oh

If I could find a way to see this straight
I'd run away
To some fortune that I should have found by now

And so I run now to the things they said could restore me
Restore life the way it should be
I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down

Life's too short to even care at all oh
I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control

If I could find a way to see this straight
I'd run away
To some fortune that I should have found by now

So I run now to the things they said could restore me
Restore life the way it should be
I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down

One more spoon of cough syrup now [x2]

"Rewrite" - Darling Thieves (English Cover)

For the folks who couldn't understand this [http://cec-ramble.blogspot.com/2011/08/rewrite-asian-fung-fu-generation.html] post back in August, I just found an English cover of the song. Not as good as the original, and the translation takes some creative license, but it's fairly close in concept to the original, based on the translations I've seen.



The reason I want to spit out these sentiments
Is I have no other proof I even exist
My future that I thought I’d managed to grasp
Is a contradiction of all I though that I had

The reason I want this old image erased
Is I see my limits and I’m out of place
In the window of my own self consciousness
I see last year’s calendar with no dates on it

Now I, I rewrite all these worthless visions
And I’ll be unforgettable
Come to life and rewrite all my bad ideas
I will make them disappear before your eyes

I cut off all my youthful feelings year after year
After all they don’t mean much
They’ll soon disappear
This haunted heart, these filthy lies

Now I, I rewrite all these worthless visions
And I’ll be unforgettable
Come to life and rewrite all my bad ideas
I will make them disappear before your eyes

"Turbulence" - Bowling For Soup

It's gonna work out eventually; that's what I have to keep believing in.



It's so hard to figure out
Which way to turn
There's no going back now
All your bridges burned
The stars are gonna shine on you
If you can get through the day
Storm clouds all around you
But a blue skies on the way

And we're all just passengers tonight
And we're all just traveling through our lives
We will reach our destination
So just hang on for the ride
Say a prayer and close your eyes
It's just a little turbulence

Take a look around you
Look how far you've come
Your whole life in front of you
You've only just begun
We've all got our problems
But they're just bumps in the road
If you only keep on fighting
There's no where you can't go

And we're all just passengers tonight
And we're all just traveling through our lives
We will reach our destination
So just hang on for the ride
So say a prayer and close your eyes
Its just a little turbulence

This life can be so crazy
Can spin out of control
But I hope that all your dreams come true
Cause you know that you're amazing
And no matter where you go
I'll be there for you
We can make it through

And we're all just passengers tonight
And we're all just traveling through our lives
We will reach our destination
So just hang on for the ride
Say a prayer and close your eyes
Its just a little turbulence

And we're all just passengers tonight
And we're all just traveling through our lives
We will reach our destination
So just hang on for the ride
Say a prayer and close your eyes
Its just a little turbulence

"A Song to Sing" - Hanson

Sorry that the video is just photo clips, but it was the only album version of the song that I could find. I'm looking for something these days, and I'm just not finding it...




"A Song To Sing"

Goodbye four leaf clovers
Hello gone awry
Don't cry the fight ain't over
Unless you let it pass you by

[chorus:]
I'm looking for a song to sing
I'm looking for a friend to borrow
I'm looking for my radio
So I might find a heart to follow
I've never been just
Longing for your lovin'
I've never been just
Wearin' down to nothin'
I've never been just
Looking for a reason
So that maybe you'd be thinkin' of me
Oh...
You'd be thinking of me

All that I have found in reason
Is reason just to not believe
When all that you are left is treason
It's treason just to let it be

I'm looking for a song to sing
I'm looking for a friend to borrow
I'm looking for my radio
So I might find a heart to follow
I've never been just
Longing for your lovin'
I've never been just
Wearin' down to nothin'
I've never been just
Looking for a reason
So maybe you'd be thinkin' of...

These blue yonder dreams
And second hand shoes
You're so far gone
That you live to lose
And it's too late to go home all alone
You're the tar in that old cigar
And the worn out cable on a cable car
And you're too tired to admit
You've got to choose

[chorus]

"The Season (Demo Version)" - Quietdrive

Yes, more Quietdrive. Shush, I really like them, and, well, their music captures what I'm feeling a lot of he time.




I'm feeling mixed up
A little bit confused about
The time I hit it up again
I'm feeling left out
A little bit concerned about
The space between last night and Monday

But I'm still afraid
That you haven't changed
(Given me a reason to pull off your t-shirt)
But I'm still ok
And I don't know why
(Tell me your secret)
(I won't tell your boyfriend now)
When you say that

Chorus:
You're mixing me up now
You're pulling my teeth out
You're wishing my argument away
I'll follow directions
I'll stick to your reasons
This isn't the season to go running away
Oh oh, oh oh. Oh oh, oh oh. Oh oh, oh oh.

I'll leave you untouched
I never once said
I would be the one to tie you down forever
I haven't missed you much
I never once said
I would be the one to lose this love forever

But I'm still afraid
That you haven't changed
(Given me a reason to pull off your t-shirt)
But I'm still ok
And I don't know why
(Tell me your secret)
(I won't tell your boyfriend, now)
When you say that
You don't need me to feel

Chorus

You don't understand
You don't
You don't understand
You don't
(I can't tell you how to feel)
You don't understand
(When I'm on the outside)
You don't
(And you're all in)
You don't understand

Chorus

Oh Oh

You don't understand
You don't
You don't understand
You don't
You don't understand
You don't
You don't understand

"Leaving Dramatics" - Quietdrive

It's been holidays since I've said how I feel
Until yesterday found my whole life was new
I can finally see that I love you that I miss you
That I need you certainly
But now my essence is spinning spinning away

Chorus:
And I can't keep chasing your memory
Around and around and around and around in my head
Waiting for you to make up your mind
I've felt this way before and
You seem like you know what you're doing to me
And you never could make the simple words feel right

My whole life around the way you give yourself
I've been safe and sound in my own selfish void
But I've finally found that I hate you I dispise you
Please don't give it away today
But now my essence is spinning spinning away

Chorus

And I'll take my time
Put your lips to mine
You'll never grow cold
From fear again
But you'll grieve the day
That I won't stay
And then you'll realize (Then you'll realize)
That what we had
Was exactly what you were looking for

Chorus