"Fine Again" - Seether

I want to be happy... I want it all to be alright. But I just don't see it all playing out that way. *sigh* Such a weight on my shoulders, every damn day.




"Fine Again"

It seems like every day’s the same
and I’m left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
and there’s no color to behold
They say it’s over and I’m fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober feels like I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well

I feel the dream in me expire
and there’s no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
‘cause I can’t seem to get this through
You say it’s over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late; just as well

And I’m not scared now.
I must assure you,
you’re never gonna get away
And I’m not scared now.
And I’m not scared now. No…

I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well
I am prepared now,
seems everything’s gonna be fine for me
For me; for myself.
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself

I am prepared now for myself
I am prepared now and I am fine... again

"The Good Book" - Quietdrive

Well I had a dream that I
Couldn't pick apart from the sky
The earth and the trees
The ground and the breeze
The day and the night

And I figured out that my life
Was inside the blink of an eye
One day you're asleep
One day you're awake
And one day you die

Oh, life is a dream that we barely control
It tears at the seams that reality holds
But every time I try to explain it...

I can't fix it
I can't feel it
I lost my hands I lost my soul
But the more and more I try to control it
The more and more it gets out of control
Oh, the good book says I'm weak
But I'm just unlucky that's all...
The good book says I'm weak
But I'm just unlucky that's all

Well I had a dream that I
Traded my eye for an eye
But words became the dream
The books started to sing
The pixels came alive

Oh life is a dream only time will erase
We build up the walls with a smile on our face
And every time I try to explain it...

I can't fix it
I can't feel it
I lost my hands I lost my soul
But the more and more I try to control it
The more and more it gets out of control
Oh, the good book says I'm weak
But I'm just unlucky that's all
The good book says I'm weak
But I'm just unlucky that's all
Oh, the good book says I'm weak
Hell, I must be human after all...

"Afloat" - On The Rocks

What the hell is going on...? I'm just trying to keep my head above water.




Floating with the wind, I am drifting East
It's like I calmed the ocean still and put the waves to sleep
But the tides are changing, No it ain't the same
There lies a faith in the absence of control they say...

One step forth, and I try to get back
A coward's fear on trail with the weakest faith in man
You call me out my comfort, you call me out the boat
To walk on my own alone, alone

Chorus:
Sometimes I am lost on the open water
Sometimes I am thrown by the wind and the waves
Sometimes I'm swimming in the deep end
Can I stay Afloat, Stay Afloat

The Ocean is deep below my feet
Afraid of what's to come, so I slowly start to sink
I was waiting for my ending, But then you grab my hand
Just like I knew you would, you would

Chorus:
Sometimes I am lost on the open water
Sometimes I am thrown by the wind and the waves
Sometimes I'm swimming in the deep end
Can I stay Afloat, Stay Afloat

In the rain, there is a storm, barely breathing as I paddle...
I am sinking- Does it matter?
In my final breath, my only hope , you come to save me...

Chorus:
Sometimes I am lost on the open water
Sometimes I am thrown by the wind and the waves
Sometimes I'm swimming in the deep end
Can I stay Afloat, Stay Afloat

"Way Out" - Quietdrive

Fuck. There is no better word to describe my life right now: fucked. I lost Phoenix, and now I've lost my job... What the fuck, universe? Are you really trying to screw with me these days?




"Way Out"

Wake up alone staring at the ceiling wondering how
It will go a part of me will never know
Yeah I don’t know where I’ll end up but I know where I came from
And where I’ve been and what I’ve done isn’t who I will become

I gotta find a way out, way out
I gotta find a way out of my life
I promise I’m being honest I can turn this all around
If I can find a way out, way out
If I can just make it out alive
I’ll make the best of it, the best of it
Wish I could see what I left behind
(Wish I could see what I left behind)
Wish I could see what I left

Run down the hall in hope of finding answers but there’s none at all
What am I even looking for?
Yeah I don’t know what I gave up but I know what I turned down
and if I knew then what I know now that I could turn it all around

I gotta find a way out, way out
I gotta find a way out of my life
I promise I’m being honest I can turn this all around
If I can find a way out, way out
If I can just make it out alive
I’ll make the best of it, the best of it
Wish I could see what I left behind
(Wish I could see what I left behind)
Wish I could see what I left behind

Can we try to forget
Let the past just breathe regret
Can we try to forget
Can we make it until the end

I gotta find a way out, way out
I gotta find a way out of my life
Over the past three years I’ve promised myself that you could change my life

If I can find a way out, way out
If I can just make it out alive
I'll make the best of it, the best of it
Wish I could see what I left behind
(Wish I could see what I left behind)
Wish I could see what I left behind

(Wish I could see what I left behind)

"So What" - Cabaret

This song takes place as a young English novelist arrives broke in Berlin on New Year's Day, looking for a room. The landlady tells him the room is 100 marks, yet he only has 50... (The video is the only one I could find with the original cast recording, so forgive the crappy montage.)

This song is about being content with what you have, and I'm trying to live with that right now. Phoenix is gone, but there's still things around to be happy about.




You say fifty marks.
I say one hundred marks,
a difference of fifty marks-
Why should that stand in our way?
As long as the room gets let,
the fifty that I will get
is fifty more that I had yesterday,
Ja?

When you're as old as I...
is anyone as old as I?-
What difference does it make?
An offer comes, you take.

For the sun will rise
And the moon will set
And learn how to settle
For what you get.
It will all go on if we're here or not
So who cares? So what?
So who cares? So what?

When I was a girl,
My summers were spent by the sea.
So what?
And I had a maid
Doing all of the house-work, not me.
So what?
Now I scrub all the floors
And I wash down the walls
And I empty the chamber pot.
If it ended that way,
Then it ended that way,
And I shrug and I say:
So what?

For the sun will rise
And the moon will set
And learn how to settle
For what you get.
It will all go on if we're here or not
So who cares? So what?
So who cares? So what?

When I had a man,
My figure was dumpy and fat.
So what?
Through all of our years
He was so disappointed in that.
So what?
Now I have what he missed
And my figure is trim,
But he lies in a churchyard plot
If it wasn't to be
That he ever would see
The uncorseted me,
So what?

For the sun will rise
And the moon will set
And learn how to settle
For what you get.
It will all go on if we're here or not
So who cares? So what?
So who cares? So what?

So once I was rich
And now all my fortune is gone,
So what?
And love disappeared
And only the memory lives on,
And so what?

If I've lived through all that
(And I've lived through all that)
Fifty marks doesn't mean a lot.
If I like that you're here
(And I like that you're here)
Happy New Year, my dear,
So what?

For the sun will rise
And the moon will set
And learn how to settle
For what you get.
It will all go on if we're here or not
So who cares? So what?
So who cares? So what?

It all goes on.
So who cares? Who cares?
Who cares? So what?

So Much For Happiness...

The Fair was not what I wanted this year... I got dumped and spent two nights in White Bird medical detoxing from all the crap I put into my body to dull the pain and heartache away. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it this time... I'm in a very dark place that I see no way out of. I couldn't handle another breakup, that's why I made DAMN sure that Phoenix was the right guy for me before I agreed to anything... And yet he's not. He wants to be a child and enjoy childish indulgences; he wants to avoid the responsibilities that a family could bring for as long as possible. I want to be an adult; I want to settle down and have the white picket fence, the pets, and the 2.4 children... And yet as all the drugs I was on at the time wear off, his reasons for dumping me change. Now he speaks of me needing self-growth, becoming more self-reliant, that maybe it'll work out once I get my own shit together... But he broke my heart and he will not get another chance to hold this starlight in his hand; he cast it aside and it will never return to him.