Bored...

I'm at work and I ought to be working on my homework. However, things here are quiet and I just finished a chapter, so I'm taking a break. My head is killing me; I'm feeling a really nasty headache brewing. Things in general have been going well lately. Besides my homework situation - I let myself get behind, and now I'm playing catch-up before my deadline tomorrow. The good news these days is that I heard back from my crew leader, and Phoenix is invited out to the Fair as my SO (significant other). I sent the check in for the SO pass the day I found out, I was so excited. This is something good that I can hold onto to help get me through the next two months before going to the site for HI training with him, then the Fair itself. He has never been before, and I'm really looking forward to showing him around.

Ugh...

I feel sick to my stomach and my nerves are fried... I don't really know what's going on right now, but I seem to be having one of those times where my body and myself aren't getting along very well. Saturday night I went out with Phoenix and some of his friends for a birthday, and my nerves were shot the whole time. Sunday night, I had to leave work due to feeling really sick to my stomach and having other digestive issues. My boss found someone to cover my shift, so I was out Monday night too. It's now Tuesday morning, and I finally had a small meal: it isn't settling well... I tried to spend some of this extra time at home working on my reading for class, but I just couldn't get my mind to focus. I can't stop fidgeting/tapping/wiggling, I'm a bundle of nervous energy. This feels kind of like a depression, but without the feeling depressed part. I'm not really sure what's up, but I figure there's a mental component; with me there pretty much always is. Things are generally going really well: my schoolwork has been solid and on time, things with Phoenix are going really well, work is meh, but that's alright. I'm not sure what has me so out of whack.

"Motivation" - Quietdrive

"So take my hand and break my heart tonight" - that's the gamble I'm taking, isn't it?




See you right around the corner,
I know that you were getting closer
It dawned on me, it dawned on me
That you could be the one for me
But I'm sure you've heard it all the time,
I just look like the other guy
Next to me, next to me,
Next to me, next to me

Let's go home together,
You'll say that,
"It's good for me,"
"You're good for me"
But it's all in my head
When I wake in my bed,
I'll know

I've got no motivation,
I get no stimulation
You could be, you could be
In love with me,
We will see that
I've got no motivation,
Give me some motivation
In this life, in this life, in this life, in this life

And I know you're not
One of those girls
Who takes her time
She'll come for me, she'll come for me,
She'll come for me
I'm not gonna wait for eternity,
For you to take your turn with me,
Turn with me, turn with me

I've got no motivation,
I get no stimulation
You could be, you could be
In love with me,
We will see that
I've got no motivation,
Give me some motivation
In this life, in this life, in this life, in this life

Baby, it's fine
If you want to be mine
Just call out my name,
Don't wait in line
Just take my hand,
And break my heart tonight

I've got no motivation,
I get no stimulation
You could be, you could be
In love with me,
We will see that
I've got no motivation,
Give me some motivation
In this life, in this life, in this life, in this life

Take me home with you,
I can't go alone
And take me home tonight

I'm Thinking Too Much

I think that part of my problem lately is that I've been over-analyzing everything, and not just letting things happen as they will. If things are good, they're good; if things are bad, I'll find out soon enough, and I just shouldn't fixate on what is going on. I think that things are going well, and I worry that they aren't, but things are as they are no matter what I think or worry. I should just stop and experience life as it happens.