Embarrassment

Why can't I shake the feeling that I'm making an absolute fool of myself? I'm sure that occasionally it's justified, but why won't that feeling go away? In most social situations these days, I come out of every verbal volley with that anxious heart race and facial flush that comes with embarrassing yourself. I'm not sure why I'm having such a run of social anxiety lately; I haven't had it this bad since high school. I suspect it's just another one of those things I picked up from my time with Chopsticks - a profound insecurity. I've never been good at taking complements, and have always responded awkwardly (one of those things that's been with me since my insult-ridden upbringing), but I have just about nil self-worth these days; I just feel stupid every time I open my mouth. That false bravado I used to be able to pull out of my back pocket on a whim is gone; I'm so unsure, so timid!